So recently I married my amazingly beautiful American girlfriend. So lucky me I now have a wife! And with that comes all the usual challenges of married life, especially since we are still doing the long distance jam for now. *Insert sad guy here*
But also with that apparently comes a new wave of having to explain myself and my sexuality. I guess now that I’m married it is more set in stone? Who knows. So after having to deal with two of these situations in just one day I decided I need to vent or have a release or something… So here I am.
Now, I have been out of the closet since I was 15. That’s 11 years. Admittedly in that time I also married a man and had that little disaster, but that is a tale for another time. Or never. But never the less that is 11 years of dealing with peoples shit. Dealing with hetero human beings talk down to me, take my rights from me and tell me I don’t deserve the same life as they have, simply because I happen to be interested in the same sex. Not EVERYONE from the same sex, let me just clarify that super quickly because apparently some people think “Lesbian” means “will hump any woman in a 10 mile radius”. – Please get a grip if you are one of those people.
For the most part my life has been pretty amazing, I was blessed with two loving parents who didn’t bat an eyelid when I came out, who have always accepted me as I am. A sister who always wants the best for me and loves me unconditionally. And for the most part everyone else around me has been pretty accepting of the very boring fact that I like women. Growing up and living in New Zealand helps, I couldn’t be prouder of my accepting and loving little country.
I do totally understand and accept that not everyone is okay with who I am and who I love, and that’s fine, you do you and I’ll be over here doing me and that’s cool. I understand that for whatever reason you may not understand my life, be it your religion or upbringing, your culture, whatever. But you know what? None of that is my business, just as none of what I do in my private life is yours. I am a pretty open and sharing kind of person, sure. But it is your choice to read what I write on my social media or where ever, and I am 100% not offended if you unfollow or unfriend me or whatever it is because what I have to say offends or upsets you. We are all human. I have people I have unfriended because they offend me, welcome to the world, we generally have the luxury of picking and choosing who and what we see and interact with on a daily basis.
For the most part, however, you and I are mostly the same. You know what I want in the next five years? Here’s my list:
- To buy a home – the majority of us want this in our lives, just because I am a lesbian doesn’t mean I don’t want or deserve this right
- To start a family – Thankfully the world has come so far in this area and my beautiful wife and I can have a child of our own. Our child will be surrounded by family (Both male and female) and love and two loving bad ass parents.
- To open my own business – No it will not be some adventurous sex club or a “Lesbian hang out”, not that there is anything at all wrong with that and to each their own. But I want a family business that I can pass on to my children, that can sponsor the local rugby team or donate goods to charity auctions, you know that kind of jam!
- To spend each day reminding my wife how amazing she is, how beautiful she looks and how strong she is.
Aren’t those things we all want in life? The big goals and commitments we all have? That doesn’t change because my partner happens to have the same thing going on downstairs as I do – And what business is it of yours to be investigating that?
I consider myself a relatively interesting human, I am a chef, a powerlifter, a daughter and sister, I have incredible friends to spend time with, I love being outside in the sunshine or in the rain, I read like crazy, I am obsessed with my spotify app, I love Harry Potter and I take vitamins every day, and – oh yeah I’m married, and I happen to have married a woman, who loves me, and cherishes me. Who is NOT going to make out with me in front of your kids, who is NOT going to try to convince you to join us (Sorry ya’ll we are monogamous) Who just wants to hold my hand while we walk down the street or through the grocery store buying our food for the week, I have a wife who wants to share chores around the house, school pick up and drop off and who has to get up for the crying baby at 4am. We just want the same boring stuff that everybody else has without even considering it.
I am a very open and honest person, and I’ll always have time to talk about my life, or your life and help you understand that I am exactly the same as you.
But what I refuse to do is censor my life and my love to make somebody else more comfortable. I am not into PDA or “Flaunting my sexuality” but when I’m with my wife I’ll be holding her hand, and when she has to pop out for something I’ll be giving her a quick kiss goodbye because that is what you do when you love someone.
My marriage does not and should not be the focus point for any kind of relationship you have with me. I am my own person with interests and hobbies that I will happily talk your ear off about. And so if you are still struggling with my sexual orientation then please know that I will 100% support you in this time of growth and I will be here for you, but it is on you to change. I cannot do it for you. And if you find that it is too much and you cannot over come your negative feelings towards me, then that is fine, I understand, I even applaud you for admitting it. And I’ll send you away into the world with all the love and hope I can muster.